This is totally babies — it’s easter yo

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

it’s easter yo

community easter

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Remember, as I stated when I posted the cover, this thing is for a church. So this is the inside of the mailing. You open it up, and there’s this huge downpour of sweetass electronics and goodies you can get by attending their Easter service. What...

Remember, as I stated when I posted the cover, this thing is for a church.  

So this is the inside of the mailing.  You open it up, and there’s this huge downpour of sweetass electronics and goodies you can get by attending their Easter service.  What can you win?

1) A car!  A CAR!  Okay, a 2009 car, but still a damn fuckin’ car.

2) 46" flat-screen!  So, uh, you can watch… Ben Hur on it…?

3) Apple iPad!  Celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior with a game of Angry Birds!

4) $500 Walmart gift card!  Seriously, Happy Easter.

5) HP Laptop computer! …this should probably be a wee more specific.

6) etc etc

It goes on.  There’s bikes!  Video games!  FIFTY THOUSAND CANDY-FILLED EGGS!  The World Harvest Church is launching single-handedly a War on Easter and with no outside help whatsoever IT IS WINNING.  

Oh, and I guess shoved down near the bottom is an image of a guy praying, because there’s a Good Friday Service.

…a good Friday Service where you will be sowing your resurrection seed.

I have a new euphemism.

world harvest church easter resurrection seed
itswalky
itswalky

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought — I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

easter

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought – I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

world harvest church easter jesus religion resurrection seed
itswalky
itswalky

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought – I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

itswalky

it’s that time again

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