coruscant nine nine [93/?]
If Vader dad-joked his way through the Star Wars series
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A panel from the Shortpacked! comic for this coming Friday.
In addition to the wooden Ultra Car and Danny, my mom also brought me this baggie of Star Wars “legos.”
Yes, I know what they really are.
strejdaking asked:
Regardless of any actual quality of the movie, how is 1986 movie "Star Wars rip-off"? I guess Unicron looks kinda like the Death Star but not seeing it besides that.
Here’s Princess Leia and Han Solo. Princess Leia has her hair-buns, and Han Solo plagiarizes his own lines such as “if you get space sick, you walk home.”
The cast is split up and are stranded on various single-biome planets: water and junk, respectively.
Luke Skywalker watches his older respected father figure/mentor die while fighting his nemesis, and later as Luke Skywalker blows up the Death Star, he hears Obi-Wan speak to him from beyond the grave.
And in the early promo material they straight-up just fuckin’ say “it’s Star Wars”: https://youtu.be/1c3sY1EKkTA?t=16m53s
I can’t understand why anyone would ever want to live in the Star Wars universe
I really can’t
your life is uprooted every 20 years in galactic-scale wars caused by a neverending blood feud between two tribes of space wizards
choose your preferred form of government:
a) laughably ineffectual and corrupt bureaucracy
b) fascist dictatorship controlled by space warlocks
c) exploitation by evil crime gangster who is probably also a slug
there are no other choices, sorry
“Hey have you heard from Gary? He hasn’t answered my emails for weeks”
“Oh yeah, his whole planet got blown up by the genocidal cyborg sorcerer who controls our entire military”
“But Samuel, what if I am one of the space wizards???” Let’s examine your options:
- abducted as a baby and raised by monks, then die a 35-year-old virgin at the hands of a goddamn robot with tuberculosis
- hunted down and shot to death by grunts in stupid helmets because space wizards are illegal right now (again)
- go through a goth phase, then your eyes get all yucky and one of the monks finds you and cuts your head off
- end up in a cult led by some evil wrinkled assface in a bathrobe who shoots lightning at you when he’s mad
Also most of the wildlife seems to be ravenous carnivores with tentacles and/or 6-inch teeth and every urban area has roughly 6,942 assassins per square kilometer
dreaming of an r-rated star wars
siphersaysstuff
