Has this already been done?
The Good Place 206: The Trolley Problem (Sneak Peak)
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So, I should introduce myself. That’s the polite thing to do, right? On a tumble log? There should be a shorter way of saying that. “Tumbleog.” Tlog! I came up with a new word!
So… hi there! I’m Lola Bunny. Oh, wait — you might confuse me with my cousin? She has the same name as I do and, you know, she’s my cousin, so everyone thinks we’re the same person which is really so weird. I mean, her sport’s basketball — I never really liked basketball. There’s all that shoving? I mean, they have a rule for if you get hit. They call it a foul. Wait — foul usually means a smell, right? So, every time someone gets fouled and goes to the foul line and takes foul shots, does that mean everything just reeks? No wonder they need to hire cheerleaders — otherwise, who’d get near them? Just saying… don’t like bad smells….
Anyway — I’m more of a tennis player. And, you know, not to toot my own horn but… I’m pretty good. I’m just saying. I’d love to play you in a match but try not to get too disappointed because… well, like I said — pretty good. I’ve been told my style is amazing and Bugs — that’s my boyfriend, Bugs? You’d like him. He’s so funny. And he invented the carrot peeler. Can you imagine? You’d think that would have been invented… like, a hundred years ago. I mean, they have potato peelers, right? How different can they be? They both… like, grow in the ground.
Anyway, Bugs always says he’s amazed when he watches me play tennis. It’s so cute, the way his eyes get all wide and his mouth does that little crooked thing… so cute. I could watch that forever. Well, not forever forever, I mean, someday the sun’s going to explode and — wait, do we need sun insurance? We totally need sun insurance. Can you get that? Can I call that Flo girl and ask? She sells insurance in boxes — that’s so convenient! I don’t like getting insurance on a piece of paper — it always makes me, y’know, nervous. Like… it’s not actually real. It’s just a sheet. I’m not sure what’s in the box, though. It might just be more paper. Oo! Maybe it’s got a sheet of paper for the insurance and then, like, those scraps of paper they use for padding? Y’know — if it’s going to be paper, go all the way with it! And then it’s like they packed it in confetti — oo! We should have a parade!
So, anyway… my point is I’m not my cousin Lola. It gets confusing because she was born first and like I said — plays basketball, so she’s taller — I mean, a lot taller. And she dresses… well, let’s just say she puts it all out there. Y’know? I think there should be some more mystery than that, is all I’m saying. Leave something to the imagination. Anyway, I sometimes get her mail and it’s all like “no! I’m nowhere near that tall! I mean, she’s gigantic and I’m just me! Normal sized… oo! Maybe I’m fun sized!” And usually about then I realize it’s a letter and it can’t answer me.
So! This is an advice column, so you should click the thing above and ask me a question! Anything at all! Well, not anything. Some things are per-sonal! You know what I mean? Oh, you know what I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t. But really. Ask me anything. I’m an open book! Though… an open book just has like… two visible pages. Otherwise, you have to skim to find anything and I don’t see how that’s more ‘open’ than just having… you know… a book you can look through, even if it’s not sitting there open. Besides, leaving books open like that are bad for them — it can break their spine, and that so sad!
So ask away!
Here to cheer myself up I’m posting a video of our sweet hamster Snkrs crawling out of my shirt.
snkrs
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