This is totally babies — itswalky: Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and...

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itswalky
itswalky

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought — I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

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Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought – I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

world harvest church easter jesus religion resurrection seed
You’ve seen Part 1. You’ve seen Part 2. Now here’s the money shot. … which is an unfortunate yet amazingly apt choice of words because the back of this mailing advertises the World Harvest Church’s AFTERGLOW SERVICE! I seriously cannot make this shit...

You’ve seen Part 1.  You’ve seen Part 2.

Now here’s the money shot.  … which is an unfortunate yet amazingly apt choice of words because the back of this mailing advertises the World Harvest Church’s AFTERGLOW SERVICE!  I seriously cannot make this shit up, it is so insane.  I think this mailer was written by Rick Santorum’s campaign manager.  

But, yes.  An Afterglow Service.

To follow, you know, the expulsion of your Resurrection Seed.

Anyway, pizza and junk food will be served. 

Praise Jesus.

world harvest church afterglow service resurrection seed easter
Remember, as I stated when I posted the cover, this thing is for a church. So this is the inside of the mailing. You open it up, and there’s this huge downpour of sweetass electronics and goodies you can get by attending their Easter service. What...

Remember, as I stated when I posted the cover, this thing is for a church.  

So this is the inside of the mailing.  You open it up, and there’s this huge downpour of sweetass electronics and goodies you can get by attending their Easter service.  What can you win?

1) A car!  A CAR!  Okay, a 2009 car, but still a damn fuckin’ car.

2) 46" flat-screen!  So, uh, you can watch… Ben Hur on it…?

3) Apple iPad!  Celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior with a game of Angry Birds!

4) $500 Walmart gift card!  Seriously, Happy Easter.

5) HP Laptop computer! …this should probably be a wee more specific.

6) etc etc

It goes on.  There’s bikes!  Video games!  FIFTY THOUSAND CANDY-FILLED EGGS!  The World Harvest Church is launching single-handedly a War on Easter and with no outside help whatsoever IT IS WINNING.  

Oh, and I guess shoved down near the bottom is an image of a guy praying, because there’s a Good Friday Service.

…a good Friday Service where you will be sowing your resurrection seed.

I have a new euphemism.

world harvest church easter resurrection seed
itswalky
itswalky

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought — I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

easter
itswalky
itswalky

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought – I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

itswalky

it’s that time again

easter
itswalky
itswalky

Here’s the whole goddamned horrible and amazing Easter thing we got in the mail all in one post.  I think World Harvest Church does this just to force Jesus Christ back from the sky early to topple their tables.  It must be a huge temptation for Him.

But He won’t, because He doesn’t want to get Resurrection Seed all over His face.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

One last thought — I just now got the double meaning of “the ultimate giveaway.” At least I hope that’s supposed to be a(n extremely tacky) double meaning.  It is distinctly possible nobody at that church realizes what Easter celebrates.  Hrm.  Upon further reflection, I’m not sure what possibility is worse.

itswalky

I think it’s important that the website for this church that is giving away Power Wheelses and Xboxes and cars and Cincinnati Reds tickets in an Easter sweepstakes has a link to their “Center for Moral Clarity.”

itswalky
itswalky: “Remember, as I stated when I posted the cover, this thing is for a church. So this is the inside of the mailing. You open it up, and there’s this huge downpour of sweetass electronics and goodies you can get by attending their Easter...
itswalky

Remember, as I stated when I posted the cover, this thing is for a church.  

So this is the inside of the mailing.  You open it up, and there’s this huge downpour of sweetass electronics and goodies you can get by attending their Easter service.  What can you win?

1) A car!  A CAR!  Okay, a 2009 car, but still a damn fuckin’ car.

2) 46” flat-screen!  So, uh, you can watch… Ben Hur on it…?

3) Apple iPad!  Celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior with a game of Angry Birds!

4) $500 Walmart gift card!  Seriously, Happy Easter.

5) HP Laptop computer! …this should probably be a wee more specific.

6) etc etc

It goes on.  There’s bikes!  Video games!  FIFTY THOUSAND CANDY-FILLED EGGS!  The World Harvest Church is launching single-handedly a War on Easter and with no outside help whatsoever IT IS WINNING.  

Oh, and I guess shoved down near the bottom is an image of a guy praying, because there’s a Good Friday Service.

…a good Friday Service where you will be sowing your resurrection seed.

I have a new euphemism.

itswalky

it’s easter again, remember to sow your resurrection seed

resurrection seed
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