Jesus as a My Little Pony, marching to his death by crucifixion.
I just want to know how that pony’s getting nailed to that cross. Do equine arms work that way? Do you drive the nails through the hooves, like a horseshoe?
Women for Santorum: ‘A baby from rape is a gift from God’ (Found at Joe. My. God.)
Brilliant satire.
When life gives you rape, make rapeade.
Why isn’t this in the Bible.
So I’m reading about the Acts of Paul, which wasn’t allowed into Real Bible Canon because it taught that chicks could minister and that nobody should bang ever.
One of the principle characters is Thecla, a girl who’s about to get married and hears Paul preach that you can’t get into heaven unless you remain celibate. She flees from her wedding and gets into all sorts of hijinks, and ultimately everyone tries to kill her for thwarting society.
Thecla is afraid she’ll die without being baptized, so as everyone is pitchforked up and trying to kill her, she throws herself into a pool of man-eating seals in an attempt to baptize herself right before she’s presumably mauled by these man-eating seals. But the Lord saved Thecla from these man-eating seals by destroying them in a burst of fire. Thecla flees the authorities and, having actually baptized HERSELF, began her ministry.
This story is awesome.
Now play the above while considering the cover to Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition:
TONIGHT:
A foolish man builds his house upon the sand!
A man is possessed by many demons!
And these children…
… are our stars in a reasonably priced flying house!
cmon and go with us
in a flying house
there is lots of stuff to see
in a flying house
hey look there’s jesus
it’s a flying house
i just want to get back home again
